This series will examine baffling decisions and characters from popular films.

Not only is Indiana Jones the worst archeologist* in the history of archeology, but he regularly hands his helpless Nazi enemies the items they are looking for without them even trying.

In Raiders of the Lost Ark after being informed of the Nazi’s scheme to find the Ark of the Covenant, Indy rushes to his old flame Maid Marion because she has a medallion that will pinpoint where the Ark is located in the ancient Egyptian city of Tanisha. So far, so good! Maid Marion isn’t aware that Nazis are up to no good, and Indiana needs to get that to protect her AND keep the bad guys from the Ark. It pretty much all goes awry from there, however.

First, instead of just explaining that Nazis are after the medallion like an adult, he communicates like an oaf and offers money for it like it’s a bauble he happens to want. This after she explains her anger about him leaving her in the past. (“I was a child!” Jesus, Indiana, just how young was Marion when you two were an item? Yikes.) His boorish, stubborn behavior is not exactly reading the room well.

He gets Maid Marion kidnapped by Nazis, but he possesses the medallion after their encounter. The only way to know where the Ark is located. So, what does he do? HELPS THE ENEMY. OK, finding the location of the Ark is time sensitive because it must take place on a particular day, and Marion needs rescued, but after finding out where the Ark is hidden he does the unexplainable: He digs for it surrounded by Nazis who are looking for it at the same time. The Nazis were digging in the wrong spot! They would have never found it without him getting it for them. All he had to do was wait it out. Rescue Marion, get back to United States, and steal the Ark from the Egyptians later. (And destroy the medallion. He would literally be the only person on Earth to know where the Ark is.)

Granted it all works out, but accidentally. Indiana Jones had no idea that the Ancient Spirits of Evil were going to melt the faces right off the Nazis, even if he knew that Sodom and Gomorrah rules applied. (As long as you don’t look you won’t get god’s wrath. Sure, whatever.)

I’ll cover all the stupid things he does in Temple of Doom and especially Last Crusade in the future. Lucky you!

*He’s not even an archaeologist. He’s a treasure hunter with a degree.