Jurassic Park 5 Jurassic World 2 is possibly the most nonsensical movie in the franchise so far. The movie starts with the island from Jurassic Park 4 Jurassic World 1 nearing destruction from a volcano eruption, and debate on whether the dinosaurs should be saved. Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) is running a non-profit trying to lobby congresspeople to agree that the dinosaurs should be saved. When this fails, she is offered a position with the company that originally created the dinosaurs and Jurassic Park. John Hammond’s partner Benjamin L wants to sneak the dinosaurs off the island, and with Claire’s understanding of the island and how dinosaurs are tracked via RFID they can Noah’s Ark key species off the island. Most important is Blue, the velociraptor from the 4th (1st) movie. To help with this Claire gets Chris Pratt’s character Roger (I can’t remember the real name. I’m going to stop looking them up.) to join in the fray. Their relationship fell apart, and the tension is more intense than when we waited on the goat from the real first movie to get eaten. (Actually, mostly it’s boring.)
What she and Roger doesn’t know is that the man helping run the company Mills has other NEFARIOUS ideas about the dinosaurs. Mills wants to auction off the dinosaurs to foreign countries, and he enlisted Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs to help run the operation, and as soon as they have Blue captured he betrays our heroes and leaves them to die on the island. Also left to die is socially awkward IT hacker guy and strong independent young woman. All of them escape, but not before Chris Pratt gets hit by a tranquilizer dart, and does this very strange Charlie Chaplin routine thing to avoid getting consumed by lava while unable to movie specific parts of his body. What tone are they going for in this movie? I have no idea at this point. Everyone escapes on the boats back to the estate where the dinosaurs are kept in comically small cages. Not only that we find out they have created another hybrid super-dinosaur that’s unstoppable, and super intelligent. Mills is selling this and other dinosaurs to countries in order for them to be militarized somehow. Yes, it’s basically Dino Riders.
How are dinosaurs going to be used as weapons in war? It truly makes no sense. In the course of this, we have one of the most baffling sequences ever devised in order to advance the plot. It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when writers have characters do something in the face of all reason and common sense in order to move the plot along. In this case, they came up with the idea that Buffalo Bill collects dinosaur teeth in order to make a necklace. When a small dinosaur gets loose and causes havoc he finds himself alone with the super-dino. After barely tranquilizing it he OPENS the cage, and tries to PULL OUT ONE OF ITS TEETH. It’s so so idiotic. No one would ever do this. People should have walked out right there. To make matters worse, they have the super-dino playing opossum. The super-dinosaur opens its eye, looks right at the camera, and grins at the audience. They literally have the dinosaur break the fourth wall. It’s so insultingly bad. Obviously, the super-dino gets out, and the movie basically becomes a chase scene in a giant mansion. The super-dino vs Chris Pratt and friends. This auction and chase makes up about half the movie, and the stakes are absurdly low at this point. Will they be EATEN? WHO CARES? It doesn’t matter. They all deserve to die anyway.
Also, this scheme makes no sense. There was no need to move those dinosaurs off that island this way. It’s shown they have labs under the mansion that are incubating new dinosaurs. They could easily have sold off the technology for the same price no matter what lame excuse they came up with in the movie. Not only that, it would have perhaps been a TOUCH less conspicuous. How does rounding up dinosaurs from a tropical island and storing them in a mansion even make sense?
Finally, we now know much more about dinosaurs than we did when the first Jurassic Park movie came out (and I do love that movie.) Yet, the dinosaurs still are not covered in feathers even though it’s pretty much reaching the consensus that all dinosaurs had them. Also, the movie still has long necked dinosaurs doing things like standing on their hind legs. In actuality many could not even keep their necks high off the ground. Why can’t they just get this right? Also, the movie tries to make some statement about human cloning. Don’t worry, it’s not germane to the plot. Oh, and Jeff Goldblum is only in it for 5 minutes.
Jurassic Park 5 Jurassic World 2:
