I probably shouldn’t have waited almost a week to write about this movie, because the plot was total nonsense right after I had watched it, and trying to parse it out now is basically impossible.

The short of it is Newt is not allowed to leave Britain because of his shenanigans of the first prequel. The Ministry of Magic tries to cut him a deal that he can leave, but only if he helps them hunt Grindelwald down. I think. It may have been to find this other magic guy who Grindelwald is trying to lure to him. This mysterious person is a super powerful orphan magician who is trying to find out where he’s from. Either way, it’s one of those.

Newt turns the offer down when some other magician is also involved. I can’t be bothered with remembering who he was or why he’s not trust worthy, but that guy is definitely bad news. Obviously, this would be the end of the film, but Dumbledore shows up, and tells Newt he needs to fight Grindelwald because he is unable to do so. Before leaving, a bunch of Newt’s friends from the first movie conveniently shows up to help. At this point multiple people are being searched for, more magicians join the group, Grindelwald tries recruiting a bunch of them to try and rule the world, magic cops are on the case, and in the end the movie is entirely a setup for a third prequel that will pit Grindelwald against Dumbledore. There are some other major revelations, I would assume, but it’s really all secondary.

This whole movie could have honestly been a ten minute prologue to the actual movie they want to have next time. That being said, the film looks amazing. It has some of the best special effects that I’ve seen, and there were some mind-blowing sequences that I did honestly enjoy. It looks like a very expensive movie. I’m not sure that it justifies a 135 minute runtime, though. It enjoyed the smell of it’s own magically induced farts a little too much. This movie takes place before they introduce the one ring for those keeping track. Finally, Harry Potter should have been able to fix his eyesight. That’s always bugged me.

Negative 50 points to Fantastic Beasts for the baffling plot. For the special effects, however: