Aquaman/Bird Box/Bumblebee/Bohemian Rhapsody/Overlord

Here are a bunch of movies I watched, and in true form don’t feel like writing full reviews about any of them. That would require a lot of WORK and TIME. Things that I have in abundance, but choose not to do it anyway. Here we go!

Aquaman

This is one fever dream of a movie with cheesy comedy, a lot of ridiculous sea creatures fighting each other, and Jason Momoa shirtless. At one point it turns into Land of the Lost, there’s a H.P. Lovecraft creature that Aquaman rides on, and the dialog is insane. Do you think when sea people poop it kind of just sticks to their butts like when fish poop? I’ve been told that comic movies are only as good as their villains, and my sources tell me Aquaman 2 will have the biggest villain to fish of all time:

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Venom

I haven’t reviewed any movies in awhile, but to be fair I’m the Lazy Film Critic not the Motivated Film Critic. For my glorious return we have the Tom Hardy vehicle Venom to discuss. Yes, another comic movie. Ninety-four percent of movies are now comic movies, and I don’t think I can take it anymore. Let’s power through this, shall we? Venom is loosely (and I mean VERY LOOSELY) based on the Spider-Man villain. Through various property rights chicanery Sony has created a stand alone version that looks the same if you sorta squint.

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Deadpool 2

Dickpool 2

I think I may need to take a break from comic book movies.

I went in ready to like Deadpool 2 a lot. I really liked the first one. I think I did. I remember liking it, anyway. Everyone keeps saying this one is as good as the first one or even better. So, maybe that one really wasn’t good either. I do think that Deadpool had the advantage of being the first R-Rated Marvel movie since Blade in the 90s. (I think. I’m not going to look it up.) It was definitely a fresh twist on the modern comic formula, and it worked really well.

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Avengers: Infinity War

I’m honestly not even sure how to review this movie for multiple reasons. For one, there’s about a million threads happening, and it would be tedious to go through them all. Secondly, SHOCKING things happen that will SURPRISE you. Nothing will EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. (But not really.) I would love to just give them all away, but people would be angry.

If you haven’t watched the 112 other Marvel movies up to this point (I haven’t!) all you need to know is that Thanos, who looks like Dickbutt here more than anything, has two (I think) of the (6) Infinity Stones, and is working hard to get the rest of them. His motive is to wipe out half of all living things as a cure for overpopulation.

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Black Panther

I want to breeze through most of this review to complain about a comic book movie trope that bugs me. This movie features that trope in vast amounts.

Black Panther tells the story of a country, Wakanda, that from the outside appears to be a poor farming nation, but in reality is powered by a metal called vibranium that basically can do anything. It can create optical illusions, cure disease, make invincible suits and powerful weapons, save spinal columns, and probably tastes good, too. Traditionally, even though Wakandans are far more advanced than any nation on Earth, they choose to not help or hinder any other country as a mode of self-preservation. The conflict comes in when the villain, Killmonger, lays a claim to the throne. The cousin of Black Panther, he’s seen the real world, and wants to help the oppressed peoples rise up and crush the imperialist nations that have exploited them by giving them unstoppable vibranium weapons. This is a much more nuanced motivation than we see from comic book films, usually. What are the obligations to help people that are in need? Shouldn’t a country with means help those without those means? Obviously, his solution of violence is not the right answer, but it does cause the people of the country to eventually re-evaluate their obligation in the world. It’s a worldly grounded problem, and it works well.

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