I haven’t reviewed a movie for this site in well over a year, and honestly the combination of not being able to willingly watch awful movies to make jokes about combined with the fact I’ve seen a ton of good movies lately made me even lazier than usual. (Which is about one step above comatose, anyway. Plus, good movies aren’t fun to write about.) Well, about half way through this one I felt the bile rising to “write things down” proportions.

I went into this having forgotten to even watch the trailer, so I was totally blind to what it was about outside of it must take place underwater (they did achieve this) and that it was a horror film (the terror was more my time being murdered.) In true Lazy Film Critic fashion, I can not remember any single character’s name. We start fairly quickly with Kristen Stewart’s character doing a voice over (Never a good sign when a movie starts with a voice over. Unless you’re, like, Martin Scorsese.) about life under the sea. Before Kristen can finish her pointless, not germane to the plot monologue the underwater apparatus she is in gets attacked. She starts running, and…well, whatever she’s in is too big to be a submarine. Water is crashing in, which is not good when you live underwater. While scurrying away she and her friend Token Black Horror Movie Character (who appeared out of nowhere) are able to make it to safety by closing some heavy duty doors separating them from the compromised area. Of course the doors are jammed, and she has to do some hacking to get them to close JUST IN TIME.